Struggles within society

Sometimes I feel like I am not ready for the rest of the world.

Society has it's limitations and restrictions which comes with a checklist of adaptations and rules that govern most aspects of life..you have to look the part, act the part, behave a certain way...and if you don't meet the criteria, you're out! You're a freak, you're weird. You don't belong.

What happens if you're a high functioning autistic individual? you're so close to being accepted, but you know you can only pretend for so long and when the script runs out or you become overwhelmed by your senses and social activity, you're screwed. And before you know it, you've bad a meltdown and blown your cover. Now everyone just thinks you're weird.

Rejection. And I know it so well.

Countless times I have tried and failed because trying to conform to societal norms is hard. People are expectant. But I am atypical. I don't understand half of the stuff expected of me. Despite my want to fit in most of my life, I find it truly bizarre how in order to find acceptance, you must conform....and it feels as though the only way of me ever achieving this is by not having a neurodevelopmental disorder, Which is impossible...and fucking ridiculous (you can't cure the fundaments of my personality).
So You have two choices;

You can pretend and fool people with your facade everyday which is exhausting and a pointless exercise because your denying yourself of self-acceptance and potential happiness...

...or you can raise awareness and hope that little by little, we can keep decreasing the level of ignorance and help people to understand that being different is not a bad thing. So let's break those misconceptions and stereotypical views of autism. We are not all Sheldon Cooper from the big bang theory!

My daily struggles of being on the spectrum are invalidated due to my 'normal' exterior, but you see, autism has no 'Look' and every single autistic person differs from the rest. Any colour, any race, any background. Anyone can be autistic.

Despite the hardship, despite the constant chaos of my scattered brain and my inability to function as a human being most of the time along with the painful process of a meltdown...none of what I've mentioned here is the most difficult part.

The most difficult part of autism is ignorance. Ignorance accompanied by negativity and invalidation, working alongside eachother and feeding your self-hatred. I have been plagued by low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness because of ignorance which has lead to dark places I ever even knew existed.

So why am I telling you this?

Because enough is enough.

I put it all on show. So you can see me. The REAL autistic me. The true representation of myself, baring all, my naked mind for everyone to see, unmasked and unashamed.

I am tired of the facade. Tired of the exhaustion from the constant rejection. This mask is a heavy burden.

I no longer fight for acceptance for the false me. I don't want to hide anymore.

If I can't accept myself, how can I expect others to accept me?

I have come to realise that it is not me that isn't ready for the rest of the world.

It is the rest of the world that isn't ready for me.

So let's stop with the ignorance. Lets educate more people. Be patient with those who make the time and find courage and strength to achieve the simplest of tasks that people take for granted, like being able to converse.

The struggle of autism is very real.

We don't want a cure.

We want acceptance.